Prove It To You

I heard a voice

A voice telling me

To prove it to you

That I will make it

Make it bigger than you could imagine

Bigger than anyone could fathom

I had to prove it to you

Prove that all that you called me

Was nothing close to what I was

Nothing close to what I would become

All I knew is that I wanted to be right

To be my own version of right

Build my life on values

Values that my family lived by

Values that I created with time

I only had one chance

Only one chance to prove it to you

Dreams Of Two

The burden of an only child

Is the burden not many understand

Not many get

Not many deal with it

Because most families don’t have just one

One child to achieve the dreams of two

The dreams of both the mother and the father

So when your mother wants you close

You can’t say no because you are all she’s got

All that she wants by her side

And when your father wants you to continue his legacy

You do it because you are all he’s got

So you have to work hard

Work harder at life

Harder than your mind can take

But you keep going because you are all he’s got

You are the only one who can make them proud

You might be one

But you are the dreams of two

 

Dunia 5: On My Own

raya4new

Oh my god I am home alone Dunia!

My mother took my niece and nephew and went to visit my brother in Switzerland, where they will be joined by my sister and her husband; so the whole family will be reunited apart of me as I can’t travel for health reasons (will explain later).  I can’t lie to you Dunia, part of me wanted to join my family although I hid it and pretended to be happy and excited yet I really wanted to go. I love travelling, discovering new things and learning about various aspects of this world but I can’t, as I am only able sit in my wheelchair which is not allowed on the airplane since it is considered a potential health hazard, plus due to my breathing problem and usage of ventilator, flying will put me at risk – my doctor once explained the reason but it went over my head; all I know that high altitude decreases or affects Oxygen level (science was my worst subject at school). Therefore the final time I travelled and went on an airplane was before I started using a ventilator so I must have been 12-years-old, yes a very long time ago.

Aww don’t get sad for me Dunia, it is not such a tragedy there are much worse things in life to endure; it is something I was brought up on – to always consider the worse option and look at people who are less fortunate than I am. Being content is the cure for most things; another wise teaching from my mother. Plus Dunia, in reality, thanks to technology and modern facilities I can experience most things via the screen of my laptop. I also collect postcards and little souvenirs from all over the world and for this I rely on my friends and family; these are my most treasured worldly goods, which I value more than anything else.

Anyhow, back to my week long freedom, obviously I had a live-in-carer staying with me as there is no way I can stay home alone, but still I shall be in charge and responsible not just for myself but for the house too. I was excited and kept planning in my head all the things I wanted to do and the people I wanted to invite; although friends come when mama is here but we are never fully relaxed or free as she might come in and out of where we sit, so this was the perfect opportunity.

But you know Dunia, freedom and independence is slightly overrated, don’t get me wrong I enjoyed the break and the ability to do whatever I want when I want, the chance to catch up with friends over skype which sometimes is hard as people come in and out and hear my conversation. Yet I felt I was also alone; many of my friends could not come as they had plans, except one who despite having all her family visiting from abroad still managed to come twice during the week for few hours. During her first visit we watched a Palestinian film titled ‘Omar’. It was alright I guess but not wow and on the second visit we played backgammon; my favourite board game; before you wonder we left the game at a draw 4-4.

I also felt like a slight burden on almost everyone, my carer needed to go somewhere but could not leave me alone so she had to get one of her friend to pick up whatever she needed and bring it to her, then my sister’s mother-in-law cooked for me twice, and to be honest, I felt even my friend was pressurised to come and visit me. All these things made me realise that there is no complete freedom or independence for I shall always need the assistance of others, but at least with family, in particular mama, I don’t feel like such a heavy burden; I don’t know why, one possible reason is that family gives you unconditional love and care. I can’t wait for their return.

Oh no! My laptop will soon go into hibernation as it is running out of charge, I better switch off and save you before all is lost. Nighty Dunia!