I will continue our conversation from the last time, I hate leaving our talk half way, but you must realise by now that to large extent my time and life are controlled by others.
Anyhow back to what I was writing, I was once asked if being disabled makes my resolutions different to others, I was puzzled, I mean what will be the difference, I am a human being like everyone else, I have my own set of dreams and ambitions, why would my disability matter? After careful thinking I kind of understood that yes, as a person living with disability I probably do have other ‘resolutions’ that are connected to disability, for example this year my resolutions would be; sorting my wheelchair to make it more comfortable to sit on, try to fight infections without resorting to antibiotic, become more confident at using public transport – all three resolutions are disability related. The remaining four will be; to fly high on a magic carpet (secret dream which I am hoping to fulfil one way or another), publish more work on disability, create a change of some sort, and work to increase my self-confidence and decrease stress in my life. But you know the most important thing that I must do is let go of people that don’t value me, and in people I mean a particular one, I read once somewhere that if you can do without someone/something for 8 weeks then you can certainly manage without them eternally, and you know what Dunia, I will test this theory out and I hope and pray to God that it actually works.
Whether I manage to achieve any of these remains to be seen next year or rather in few months time, but either way I know that just like 2014, the new year will bring a new set of achievements, as everyday we are faced with new challenges and often we overcome it without acknowledging it as an achievement, simply because we had not set it as a target. Life is a continuous learning curve and not a rigid or static spot, therefore I must not get obsessed with these resolutions, I need to work at them by all means, but also embrace any new challenge that comes my way.
Do you want to hear what I also decided, to enjoy every second of life, and treasure all the tiny things that comes my way, so I made this plan, I know I am not the best at keeping plans but will try my best anyhow, I have split my day into different aspect of my self-improvement strategy or rather rediscovering myself, I need to know what I want, what I like, who I am and what I used to be. Most of my life Dunia I have let obligation, guilt and fantasy lead my actions, which I guess clouded who I really am. I don’t want my happiness or existence to be the cause of someone or to be linked to their presence, from now on, I must depend on my mental and emotional strength to overcome any obstacle and make myself content.