When I see you

when I see you_

Picture taken by Ghada Al Shaibah

When I see you…I feel…
The world is still…Safe…
The life is still…Nice…
And I am still…Alive…
When I meet you…I smile…
I fly as a bird…And I see…
The sky as a dream in the eye…
Believe it or not…Yes such thing exists…
Is it love or appreciation…
Is it only glamor…Or a feeling that would never end…


I don’t know if this would make sense as much as it does it does to me, but my day was pretty dull and sunny. I have no idea how the both mix, but the blazing sun was no more than tasteless to my likings.

Dragging myself off of the bed, I walked into the kitchen while I allowed my thoughts to meander elsewhere. My glance couldn’t help but notice the couch that sat by the furthest window. It always looked like it had a story and a past of its own. It has been there for as long as my memories could trace back to. The rugs stitched to it to make it as a whole were slowly wearing off, leaving it to adapt a shabby appearance. Objects that carried no souls within still aged and became useless at some point.

Some things make complete sense in my head, as though my brain was painting a masterpiece with the remaining of my memories, but as soon as my tongue tried to relate it to words, that masterpiece was soon of nothings worth.

Meraas Launches Ramadan ‘Book Donation’ Initiative in Partnership with @UAEBBY #StoryToShare

CITY WALK, THE BEACH and BOXPARK, three Dubai-based retail developments by Meraas, have embarked upon a unique ‘Book Donation’ initiative to mark the spirit of giving during the Holy Month of Ramadan. A collaborative effort between the retail entities at the three destinations and the UAE Board on Books for Young People (UAEBBY), the initiative invites visitors to donate their favourite books at designated collection boxes during Ramadan.

The UAEBBY is affiliated to the International Board on Books for Young People (IBBY) and is a non-profit organization aiming to revitalize the art of reading among the UAE population, especially children.

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Saleh Al Geziry, Senior Director- Retail Management, Meraas said: “The Holy Month of Ramadan brings with it thoughtful opportunities for giving and sharing. We would like to dedicate the holy month to promote the culture of reading levels in the community through encouraging our destination visitors to donate their favourite books and share the gift of imagination. UAEBBY will use the donated books at book reading sessions during their visit to schools in the UAE. The books will also be placed in public libraries for children to access and enjoy in their free time.”

On her part Marwa Al Aqroubi – President of UAEBBY, said: “Our collaboration with CITY WALK, THE BEACH and BOXPARK in the book donation initiative is a great way for celebrities, key influencers and just about anybody in the UAE to give back to the community and help inspire a love of reading among children. The 2012 Arab Thought Foundation’s fourth annual cultural development report states that an average Arab child reads for just six minutes in a year. Given this concern, we hope that our collective efforts instil a greater love for reading among the young in the UAE.”

To ensure greater impact of the book donation initiative, social media users are invited to use the following hashtags to encourage the participation of the wider community.

Arabic: #تبرع_بكتابك ; English: #StoryToShare

Location of Collection Boxes:

Location 1 Near Nar Lift lobby between Krispy Kreme and Fruteiro Do Brazil (Yellow parking) Between Poupette A La Plage and Cioccolatitaliani
Location 2 Near Ferre Café Lift lobby across from Sun Eye Optical (Green Parking) Near Big Chefs
Location 3 Near Argo Tea Café THE PIAZZA (Blue Parking) Between Typo and Urbanist
Location 4 Near Spinneys Red escalator across from Godiva (Red Parking) Near Ahwak

Press release and pictures provided by Meraas Holding.

الحياد منطقةٌ مباركة.. أحياناً

‏الآخرون يحبون بشدة ويكرهون بشغف، و ينهارون كحطامٍ يائس من أجل هذا وذاك، وهذا مالا أستطيع فهمه او استيعابه حتى الآن.
لقد اكتشفت روعة التخلي عن الكثير مقابل بعض التغيير الصحي، و أهميّة الاكتفاء بالذات عندما يجلدنا من حولنا حباً أو حسداً أو غباءً، و رغم كلّ التجارب الإنسانية التي عرفتها، إلا أنني عجزت عن إيجاد من يستحقون الحقد أو الحب إلى هذه الدرجة.
لا تكذب على نفسك، ليس ثمة شيءٌ يستحق الموت لأجله، ولا تبالغ في مشاعرك القوية لأشخاص أو أماكن أو أزمنة، كل شيءٍ معرّضٌ  للاستبدال والتحسين، و يمكننا دائماً استعارة بداياتٍ جديدة، أو تحقيق عودةٍ كبرى، أو نهوضٍ  عظيم مهما كانت سقطاتنا موحلة، نستطيع أن نولد لملايين المرات الأخرى إذا قرّرنا ذلك.
 الحياد منطقةٌ مباركة في مواقف كثيرة، و أحياناً تحتاج ألا تشعر بشيء قويٍّ أو جارفٍ تجاه آخرين، إن العواطف المندفعة، والشغف غير المبرر حتى لقضايا عادلة قد يصيبك بإحباطٍ عظيم، و لذلك اسمح لنفسك أن تكون أحياناً إنساناً عادياً سطحياً لتنجوَ من مسؤوليات الكون اللانهائية.
ستصاب بالآلام، و ستجرحك الحياة بشدة، كلّ المرارات التي أقحموها في حلقك ستجعل طعم الشهد أحلى عندما يسقيه الله لك، و كل نعمةٍ زائلة قابلةٌ للاستبدال بنعمٍ أفضل، الأشياء الجيدة ستستمرّ في الحدوث، وكذلك السيئة.
أحياناً أفكر لو أننا تعاونا مع القدر قليلاً و اعتنقناه بدل صراعاتنا الطويلة معه، لربما استطعنا إيجاد الجسر المفقود للسلام، ذلك الذي يشبه أرض الميعاد ليهود سيناء.

The Not-So-Obvious Benefits of Sweat

You might work up a sweat at various times: a long run, sunny summer afternoon, or an important job interview, to name a few. Whether it’s refreshing or unplanned, sweating leads to a number of incredible health benefits, some of which may be surprising.

Perspire Much? Don’t Sweat It!

Glance around any fitness class, and you’ll see all kinds of perspiration. Some exercisers will be drenched from head to toe, while others will have nary a drop of sweat on the brow. Sweat isn’t exactly one of the great mysteries of the universe, but there is still a lot to discover about this amazing built-in skin system.

The human body is equipped with its own cooling system. The skin is covered with approximately two to five million sweat glands that run like ductwork in an attic. How much a person sweats is determined by physiological characteristics, including age and gender, room temperature, the level of exertion during exercise, how anxious a person feels, and whether the person is overweight.1

On average, humans can produce up to one to three liters of sweat per hour. Exercise and heat are the most common causes of perspiration because sweat’s main job is to cool down the body. However, stress, anxiety, and excitement can also cause sweating.2That’s why foods and beverages that increase anxiety, such as coffee and tea, can ramp up sweat production.

Let’s take a look at the chemical makeup of sweat and learn why we all perspire in the first place.

Source by http://www.fix.com

Source by http://www.fix.com

The Reasons Behind Salty and Stinky Sweat

Sweat is primarily made up of water but it also contains salt and, depending on a person’s diet, other chemicals. Ever heard of the saying, “You are what you eat?” That’s not too far from the truth for sweat. The chemical composition of sweat can be altered by food and drinks, the reason for sweating, and how long a bout of sweating lasts.

One of the highest mineral concentrations in sweat is sodium, which explains why sweat tastes salty. In addition, sweat contains moderate amounts of potassium, chloride, calcium, and magnesium as well as small amounts of trace minerals including copper, zinc, and iron.3

But not all sweat is created equally. The human body hosts two different types of sweat glands: eccrine and apocrine. Eccrine sweat glands work like ducts on the skin’s surface and produce a watery substance. These glands are mostly concentrated on the brow, hands, and feet (though they cover much of the body), and they function primarily as the body’s A/C unit.4

Apocrine sweat glands are found in the hair follicles located in and around the scalp, armpits, anus, and genitals. Apocrine sweat glands produce a thicker, plasma-like substance that also contains fatty acids and protein byproducts, including urea and ammonia. Emotional stress triggers apocrine glands to expel fatty sweat into the skin, where bacteria break it down. This turns into an odorous fatty acid substance, which makes certain types of sweat smell and causes unsightly underarm stains . These glands remain inactive until puberty, which explains why preteen children suddenly smell after recess.

Man vs. Woman: The Sweatonomics

Japanese scientists discovered that women need to exercise harder than men to get a good sweat going. The researchers placed four subject groups in a controlled environment and then asked them to cycle continuously for one hour. The study showed that men are more efficient at sweating and that untrained women had the worst response when it came to breaking a sweat.5

Previous studies have shown that higher levels of testosterone in men may increase sweat output. The study mentioned above was the first to suggest that women may be at a disadvantage when it comes to cooling off during heavy bouts of exercise or during hot conditions. Researchers have suggested an evolutionary reason for this: women carry less body fluid than men, and they may sweat less to prevent dehydration. For this reason, it may be advisable for women to take more precautions in extreme heat conditions or during long bouts of exercise.

Age-related factors can also affect the amount of sweat a person produces. As the skin changes during the aging process, the sweat glands produce less sweat. This can make it harder to cool off and may increase the risk of heat stroke.6

Sweat Glands: The Everyday Hero

Sweat glands aren’t just nature’s ice bath. From warding off bacteria to protecting the kidneys, perspiration is the inspiration for several healthy functions that extend beyond a good cool down.

Germ Fighters

While studying proteins involved in skin cancer, a team of researchers discovered a potent natural antibiotic called dermcidin. The researchers learned that sweat glands constantly excrete this antibiotic.7 Persistent skin washing can remove this natural protective barrier.

Though a long shower after a hot sweaty day sounds perfect, it may limit your defense against germs. University of California researcher Tomas Ganz notes that bacteria thrive in hot, moist conditions. Dermcidin can limit what thrives on our skin, reducing our risk of infection. But Ganz cautions that being sweaty all the time does not guarantee protection: “It depends on how much dermcidin a person exudes.”8

Healing Powers

University of Michigan researchers discovered that sweat glands play a role in the wound-healing process, including recovery from scrapes, burns, and ulcers. In a study published in the American Journal of Pathology, Laure Rittié, Research Assistant Professor of Dermatology, notes that sweat glands are understudied and that they may hold the secret to speeding up wound repair.9

The study found that eccrine glands store an important reservoir of adult stem cells that can quickly take action when a wound occurs. Rittié explains that sweat glands are understudied because they are unique to humans and not present in animals, which are commonly studied in laboratories. Rittié and her research team hope these findings will pave the way for a greater understanding of the skin’s healing process and lead to better targeted therapies – especially for those who experience skin ulcers from diabetes or bedsores.

Happiness Defenders

The act of sweating alone doesn’t ward off bad moods, but a good sweat in the gym or outdoors increases endorphin levels – those feel-good hormones that contribute to a runner’s high.10 Endorphins are related to positive mood and an enhanced sense of overall well-being. Endorphins are related to positive mood and an enhanced sense of overall well-being.11

Kidney Protectors

Sweating limits the accumulation of salt and calcium in the kidneys and urine, which can reduce the risk of kidney stones. In addition, more sweating increases thirst, which may lead to greater water consumption. The more water goes in, the less likely it is that kidney stones will form.

A study published in 2013 by the American Society of Nephrology found that small amounts of physical activity and reduced caloric consumption might decrease the risk of kidney stone development by 31 percent.12 Breaking a little sweat on a brisk daily walk can go a long way when it comes to prevention.

Source by http://www.fix.com

Source by http://www.fix.com

How Much Sweat is Too Much?

For the most part, sweating is necessary and healthy. But sweating more than normal may be caused by a condition called hyperhidrosis. Hyperhidrosis occurs when the body sweats unnecessarily, dripping perspiration from the head, feet, palms, or underarms.13 Though it’s not harmful, excessive sweating can put a damper on daily activities and cause added stress, which can lead to even more sweating.

Signs of Hyperhidrosis:

  • Visible sweat when no physical exertion or excessive heat is present
  • Interfering with daily activities (for example, sweaty palms make it difficult to open doors)
  • Soft, peeling skin from continued moisture
  • Frequent skin infections, such as athlete’s foot or jock itch

Tips to Reduce Excessive Sweating:

  • Apply antiperspirant (not deodorant) to dry underarms before bed. Sweating is less likely to occur during sleep, and this will allow the skin to absorb more of the ingredients overnight, which provides greater protection during the day.
  • Avoid foods and beverages that may cause excess sweating or anxiety. Some of these foods are caffeinated beverages, such as coffee and tea, and spicy foods.
  • Wear natural fibers that allow the skin to cool. Loose clothing can also help prevent excessive sweating.
  • Learn how to relax during stressful situations. Meditative practices can reduce stress and anxiety, which may help reduce perspiration.
  • When all else fails, a dermatologist can prescribe an antiperspirant or inject Botox in the affected areas, which can reduce excessive sweating.
Source by http://www.fix.com

Source by http://www.fix.com

Go Ahead, Break a Sweat

Offering a natural cooling system and unique healing properties, a little perspiration each day may be what keeps the doctor at bay. Remember to replenish what you sweat out by sipping plenty of water throughout the day and drinking a little more during and after a vigorous workout.

Article syndicated from http://www.fix.com/blog/unexpected-benefits-of-sweat/


  1. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003218.htm
  2. http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0028824
  3. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18156662
  4. http://www.derm101.com/inflammatory/embryologic-histologic-and-anatomic-aspects/eccrine-units/
  5. http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1113/expphysiol.2010.053710/abstract;jsessionid=5334BEFFC756A0872519C9FBFBBC6830.f04t01
  6. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/004014.htm
  7. http://www.pnas.org/content/111/41/14687.full.pdf+html?sid=01bbf9f8-ed21-484b-817b-e0453c4f8e89
  8. http://www.nature.com/news/2001/011105/full/news011108-3.html
  9. http://www.uofmhealth.org/news/archive/201211/sweat-glands-play-major-role-healing-human-wounds-u-m
  10. http://link.springer.com/article/10.2165/00007256-199213010-00003
  11. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC474733/
  12. http://jasn.asnjournals.org/content/25/2/362
  13. http://www.hyperhidrosiscumc.com/hyperhidrosis.html

Art As Diplomacy, When Art Becomes The Ambassador #PastForward

We came across this incredible talk about “Art as Diplomacy” hosted at NYUAD earlier this year. The talk included the artist Noor Al Suwaidi, curator of an amazing exhibition called “Past Forward”, and Mary McBride, a musician & cultural envoy.

We’d like to bring attention to the great work done by Noor Al Suwaidi, which was launched by Meridian International Center and the Embassy of the United Arab Emirates in the US[1]:

“Past Forward: Contemporary Art from the Emirates, a groundbreaking cultural diplomacy program that brings Emirati artwork and artists to the United States (US). The exhibition tells the story of the UAE’s rich history, culture and rapid development through 50 paintings, sculptures, and other artwork by 25 notable Emirati artists.”[2]

You can view Noor’s statement as the curator of #PastForward on this link, and you can view the page dedicated to the exhibition by UAE’s embassy in US on this link.

Find out all about the exhibition, and it’s upcoming tour dates on this link.[3]

And now here is the video link of the talk. We hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed watching every minute of it!


Also here is a shorter video to give you a glimpse of what #PastForward is about:

Source links:

[1] http://www.uae-embassy.org/embassy

[2] http://www.uae-embassy.org/PastForward_DC_2014-3

[3] http://www.meridian.org/pastforward/

رفيق الطوب

rafee8 al6oob_

تسللت دمعة من عينه وهو يرى مدينته تصغر، ثم تختفي بين أكوام السحب، أخذ يتنهد مراراً وتكراراً مطلقاً زفرات ألمه العميق والذي غدى كسرطان ينهش أعماقه ببطء، يُعتقد أنه قد كُتب عليه البؤس.. فقدره شقاء ومصيره داكن موحش!

هرب إلى الماضي عندما أحزنه حاضره.. عاد له فرحه بمجرد ما زاره طيف أجمل عطايا الرحمن، ابنته.. لكن لطالما انشغلت السعادة عنه، ما لبث أن تذكر دموعها وهي تودعه حتى عاد إليه رفيقه، عاد إليه الحزن..

عندها، هرب إلى والدته.. حضنه الآمن، تذكر كم كان يشعر بالانتماء بجانب قبرها وكأنه خلق من طين ذلك القبر، تمنى لو أنه يستطيع أن يشكو هذا لأمه فينزاح ما ألمّ به!

تذكر دموع زوجته وهو يودعها، “عد بخير” قالتها له.. ابتعد مرغماً عنها.. فياعجب، كيف لجسد أن يبتعد أميالاً عن روحه؟

وصل إلى المكان المنشود ليلاً.. وهكذا ارتبط عنده الليل مباشرةً بالألم..

بدأ العمل بجد تام، لأجل وردته اليانعة الصغيرة، كيف لا وهو يرى فيها امتداداً لعمره وأملاً لحياته؟ كانت السعادة تتلبسه عندما يرى بسمتها..

وهاهو يحمل أكياس الإسمنت فوق كتفيه، وإذ بجسده يزداد هزولاً وضعفاً، واسمرّ جلده.. حزن لذلك فقد ورثه من أبيه الذي لا يذكر عنه شيئاً سوى وداعه له قبل أن يرحل، ولأن الموت لا يستأذن أحدا، فقد لحقت المنية والده قبل أن يلحق رزقه..

في يوم صيف حار، لا ترحم فيه الشمس أحداً.. وهو يصف الطوب.. إذ بالجاهلين يرمون عليه الشتائم وآخرين يجدون ذلك مضحكاً.. أزاح نظره بعيداً.. أودع دعوة للكريم.. ثم عاد يصف الطوب!

مرت سنين.. أخذ الأبيض يطغو على شعره، وبدأت التجاعيد تملأ وجهه، والرعشة تتدخل في كل حركاته.. عندها هجر الطوب وعاد إلى لعائلته، باحثاً عن عمره الذي ادخره فيها، هارباً من شيخوخته، وعائداً لأمله.. وابتسمت له الحياة أخيراً وعاد إلى وردتيه يسقيهما حباً وأماناً..

Little Did She Know

Little did she know, she deserved far more than what she stood for.

She had the immortal stars gazing down on eyes that resembled a spark of their own.

She had the sun shining down on her with the greatest rays it has got to offer.

The grass underneath her feet tickled her enough to paint a heavenly smile the wind was eager to brush up against.

She was everything; the universe was blessed with her existence, immensely counting on her solitude.

Her solitude was everything, not counting her as a recluse, but as a mystery the greatest particles of the universe couldn’t solve.

The Courage To Go Solo- interview with Marianna Boguslavsky

With the immense rise in Female Entrepreneurship across the UAE, I thought it would be great to feature these women and to talk about what drives them to take the step, bid farewell to employment, and build their own ventures.

She is one of the very few women who has achieved tremendous success, focusing on bringing latest digital innovations to benefit SME’s and startups.

Marianna runs a digital strategy agency based in Dubai, and she is working with premium B2B and B2C brands regionally and internationally.

She founded her small niche digital agency 18 months ago, and ever since she has worked with a variety of companies in the business hub Dubai to US film production agencies in Hollywood.

Marianna has a great impact on fellow female entrepreneurs, hosting networking events on a regular basis in this region as well as in South Africa, sharing her expertise and allowing other entrepreneurs to exchange ideas and network on a Senior level.

Marianna, you have recently been very brave to launch your own digital strategy consultancy. Tell us about your self and what made you take this bold step or starting up a company from scratch.

​I have a strong digital marketing background with digital skills gleaned in the UK, South Africa, and UAE during the past eight years. ​After working for almost a year at a corporate advertising agency in Dubai and seeing the demand for a skilled digital agency aimed at the SME and startup market, I saw the opportunity for my business and the timing was perfect, so I just took the plunge and went for it. I haven’t looked back since.

​Our core offerings as a niche digital strategy agency are our digital strategies and experiences that we create for our clients that engage based on research, data, insights and trends.

You have been very successful so far, what is you recipe being such a hard worker and still able to find balance between your professional and private life?

​Thank you, but as an entrepreneur and small business owner, I never think of myself as ‘successful’ more as a ‘work in progress’. I am a huge believer in the ‘work hard, play hard’ ideology – life is all about having a healthy balance and for me a big part of that is spending time with family and friends, and travelling to beautiful destinations all over the world. I give it my all during the working week but my weekends are sacred in the sense that I try not to work and disconnect/go offline and focus on my other loves including my husband, good books, travelling, and sushi.

What are your views on networking and what channels would you recommend to our readers who are considering to go solo?

​Networking is vital in this region, especially as a business owner looking to build relationships first, and sign customers second. People like to work with people they know and trust so authentic relationships underpin a successful business. Make sure to invest time and resources to attend meet ups, conferences, and events where your potential target market might also be and network, network, network.​

With the ever-changing environment and market trends would you recommend setting up a digital strategy for SMEs or also smaller startups? How do you distinguish between those?

​I would urge any business starting out to first spend some time on developing an effective digital strategy for their brand before becoming active online – have a tactical plan with key goals and objectives but also with clear KPIs that can be monitored and modified. ​In regards to different digital strategies for SMEs versus smaller startups, we have been seeing a trend of potential clients requesting more growth hacks tactics for their small startups as part of the digital strategies.


My love for you grows like a rose in the midst of a colossal garden of your sweet, sweet aura.

You have perfumed my soul, with a smell my senses cannot fathom, leaving them to flow in lust.

A rose with no thorns; leaves as soft as feathers, petals those of the calmest rays

What are you? Turning my heaviest thoughts into the lightest of cries of my mind, you have turned me into an angel of my time, and the queen of my own kind.

You have locked me in a place I would never submit to flee; you have locked me in paradise, as free as a wingless bird can be.

You have filled me with love, enough to relent the days I have wept upon,

To you I belong,

                             forever I shall be yours,

                                                                          be my own.

Shrinking Violet- Truth or Myth?

Picture taken from cosmetologyme.com

Picture taken from cosmetologyme.com

With so many new weight loss products and services on the market it is not always easy to choose the most effective one that caters our individual needs.

Just in time for our summer vacation I am looking for a quick fix, that allows me to fit back into those jeans, I have come across Shrinking Violet- a UK produced body wrap that helps you to loose at least a dress size in less than two hours.

Too good to be true?

That has been my thought prior to the treatment. Upon arrival at the spa I receive a thorough consultation. While sipping a green tea the beautician explains the procedure and talks me through it step by step, eliminating all scepticism that is still lingering in my mind.

I have to complete a short questionnaire which includes my medical history and it gives me a small summary of points that need to be considered after the treatment, such as a high water consumption and no work out, nor shower for the next 24 hours. The reasons are that my pores will be open and in order to allow a full detoxification a lot of water needs to be consumed. The intake of high fat foods and caffeinated drinks prior and post treatment are not advised.

Before getting started it is absolutely crucial to read the manual as well as a pre- and post- treatment protocol in order to prepare for the treatment and follow the guidelines, as otherwise unpleasant side effects such as diarrhea and lightheadedness can occur.

Being escorted to the treatment room the lady measures my full body and makes notes in order to compare the results afterwards. She then oils my full body with soybean extract and wraps me tightly into cling wrap.

For the next 60 minutes I lay down and enjoy a relaxing head and foot massage by the same masseuse who massaged Kim Kardashian last week. Pretty cool!

I doze off to some soothing music and 1 hour later the lady awakens me and removes the cling wrap from my body. She then measures me again and what happens next is just unbelievable. All together I have lost 30 cm of body weight, all body parts included.

Excited about the outcome, I get dressed looking forward to unpack my beloved jeans.

More information on the product can be found under following link: http://www.cosmetologyme.com/products/index/brand/ShrinkingViolet/type/SlimmingSolutions

صديقي لا تستسلم

بعدسة غادة الشيبة

بعدسة غادة الشيبة

عندما أقول أنني قوية… تعجز عيني عن منع الدمع من الانهمار…

عندما أقول لن أبكي… يقول قلبي دعيها تنهمر لعل ذلك يريحك…

عندما أكون جالسا في لحظة أسمع فيها من صديق لي أنه مريض…

أشعر كأن الأرض توقفت عن الدوران… أشعر أن عقارب الساعة لم تعد تصدر صوتا عند الدوران…

أشعر أن الصورة قد مسحت من عدسة المصور… أتمنى بأنني لم أسمع ما سمعت…

كنت أظن أن الصديق والعائلة مختلفان نوعا ما… لكن كم من صديق أقرب للمرء من بعض أفراد عائلته…

تعلمون لقد تأثرت كثيرا وبشدة من هذا الخبر… كأن شريط الذكريات أعادني إلى الوراء…

ليذكرني باللحظات التي مرت كلها في ثوان قليلة… صديقي العزيز وأخي لا تستسلم…

توكل على الله… نحن معك دائما…سوف نعيش الحياة معا… وسوف تعود بعافية بإذن الله…



Hello Dunia,

It has been a while since I last sought you and I don’t even have a valid excuse. When I first ‘created’ you, it was to help me off load all my feelings and thoughts, you were my escapism from this world but now I am finding myself lost between two worlds; reality and my Dunia world.

I don’t know what is wrong with me Dunia, actually not even sure if there is anything wrong. I think I just want or need a new thing or a challenge or maybe if I am honest and I know that here is the only place I can be completely honest, I realise that I simply miss Him. It has been 63 days since he vanished without even a message to say goodbye, and 40 days since I made the decision of giving up on him I suppose, no… no…no I don’t like the words; giving up is something I have always hated and tried to avoid. For me it is a sign of failure and a reinforcement of people’s assumption that the average disabled is incapable of completing a task. Taking time out is probably a better sentence I need to give myself space, rediscover the inner me and challenge my thoughts and emotion into learning to rely on no one but my own self.

Yet I have to admit Dunia, I can’t help but over analyse his disappearance. There must be a reason behind it, and call me paranoid if you like, but if you are a person living with disability and you get rejected by a person or a job or anything else for that matter, then your disability is the first thing that comes into your head. I begin to wonder if I had the physical strength would I still be rejected? Is it the exterior or the inner me that is the problem? Honestly, I don’t know which would hurt more, knowing that you are rejected because of your physical ability – something that is beyond your control- or because of your personality. It is a difficult one to choose from. Is it better to lay the blame at your fate knowing that there is nothing you can do to change it, therefore no hope, yet it is not personal. But if the problem is with your character and traits then there is a faint hope, because you can change or adapt your ways although I think it hurts more.

I don’t know Dunia, there are times when I think of my disability as not part of who I am, it is like an added feature that you carry yet it is impersonal, then there are other times where I strongly feel that disability has shaped who I have become and I doubt any person living with disability can claim otherwise. Humans are taught by experiences, so surly seeing and living this world as a disabled will affect aspects of your character.

All this debating has not solved my puzzle or answered my question why did he vanish suddenly? Without a warning or an explanation or even a sign. I have never given up on things that matter to me without a fight and I intend to discover why, even if the answer could hurt me beyond repair.